Don't Hide Your Emotions, You're So Sexy

The stereotypical image of a sexy man is someone big, buff, bit of body hair and with a big dick, well that I can sign off on (even if body expectations are wildly unrealistic), but the part that I can't sign off on is emotionless silent types. Many dating bios instead of saying about themselves or what they like in a partner, reel off all the things they don't want, and one of those things is regularly not wanting a partner who is a drama. Don't get me wrong, being with someone who is a constant whirlwind causing destruction in their wake isn't attractive, but I feel when people say they don't want drama it's also partially referencing emotional types.

What is so wrong with being a man in touch with his emotions? I don't know about anyone else but I find a man with little emotional depth to be a massive turn off, like I might as well be chatting to a plank of fucking wood. From a young age, it's drilled into you that what's the most attractive kind of man is a man's man, and a man's man tends to be very masculine, strong, silent type, hard labourer, potentially a breadwinner, good at DIY and an ignorance that should be a problem, but it's okay he's just a typical man. This assessment could be wildly outdated, but it's not far off. It's not the hard working, or big earning, or being good with your hands cough cough but the little emotion and masculine expectations which are toxic, unhealthy and for many gay men much harder to attain.

When I go on dates I am full tilt myself. I don't think I have the capabilities to be anybody but myself. I have in the past been jarringly different to people's expectations. Before we had things like Instagram Stories, social media like Instagram was mainly just still pictures, and people could make big assumptions on what you are like, and sometimes I was deemed to be nothing like expectations. I never tried to hide who I was, but now I'm more honest than ever. When I say honest, I don't mean in an arsehole Big Brother contestant sort of way like “I just tell people how it is and if they don't like me then I don't care because I like real people”, I mean in terms of honesty in my own admission like insecurities or life struggles. I also naturally exude confidence and I'm funny, and if I don't say so myself, I'm a pretty good catch, even if after about 2 months people throw the ball away at high speed and go from really wanting to go out with me, to being content with never seeing me again, even though I get told I've done nothing wrong, soooooooo I don't know, I'm getting a deeper and deeper complex with each dumping lol. Even when I'm told it's not my fault, I did nothing wrong and I'm a great person, all relationship breakdowns follow the same pattern, what it boils down to, is you are great and did nothing wrong, but you are not enough and I'm starting to feel like I'm not enough for anyone, and I feel part of this is because I'm an emotional person.

Being an emotional person doesn't mean I break down in tears every 2 minutes, but when I feel comfortable enough with a person, I feel comfortable having a wee cry or being brutally honest about my anxieties, domestic, financial or emotional struggles. This might sound like a lot of baggage but it's the kind of struggles so many of us have. I lost my dad a few years ago to motor neurone disease, I've been bullied my whole life, struggled with mental health and body image, financial struggles, feeling like the big gay black sheep family who no one understands, and that expands to friends and the gay community, and many more things. I'm not saying this to cue the violins. I'm saying this because I'm fucking proud of myself and who I am as a person. I am emotional because I regularly go through so much shite, that it feels out of control to handle, but I still act as a great advice giver and solid friend, who is funny, a great listener and a good ol gay time. I don't need wrapping in cotton wool or protecting like I'm a fragile piece of china that is gonna shatter any moment if someone dares tell me the truth which isn't nice and fluffy, emotions are real, healthy and we all have them. I am normal and I don't need special treatment because I actually show my emotions.

I would love to go out with a guy who occasionally has a wee cry to his favourite Disney movie or a guy who can break his walls down and tell me how he is really feeling inside, because showing emotions is a beautiful thing and so attractive. Emotions aren't just tears of upset, but happiness, sadness, pride, anger, humour and joy etc. All these things make a fuller more well rounded person. Emotions are healthy to show and it's smart and kind to let your emotions out, because otherwise it builds and builds inside and then could be taken out on others in a potentially more destructive way.

I don't think I've ever been with a man who cried in front of me or really showed me the true him, and hopefully I meet that man one day. Embrace your emotions because it defines who we are and being open with your emotions is much sexier than being a closed off emotionless brick.